Monday, March 29, 2010 // 12:17:00 AM
I hate this. I can't do anything without planning. Even with planning, I'm not on time.
I'm useless. I think its PMS settling in again, I feel like shit.
Theres presentation due tomorrow, we only started work 2 nights ago. Because someone was missing for weeks. That expains my facebook status on the 'better be dead' part. I dont really want to curse people but its easier on my part, to forgive her.
Tuesday theres a quiz. only 3 chapters, the queen of procrastination finished reading, just hasnt memorised.
Wednesday I was supposed to hand up my re-did introduction paper. Nice Patty, I told him about my (dire) situation, he agrees to give me one more week. chongmal kamsanhamnida. henbokhamnida :)
Thursday theres a individual presentation on workplace conflict. I have a topic, no idea where I'm going. how great.
so stressed i want to cry. but im feeling so flustered i dont even have time to pause, think, then cry. so im just feeling it. what is this? i think i'll feel better if i do. maybe i need a sad movie. or just someone with a sad life.
anyway theres good news. AIG sent me a letter :)
will JAL send me one too?
whats with me, yea? going after all the bankrupt organizations. haha.
tomorrow im going to call YOG. I hate it when people leave me hanging there.
Endless memories,
too many to count.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010 // 1:37:00 AM
I was sitting there and it was all about countries, politics, economies...
as it always is with some of my friends. i mean you cant blame them, thats their interest and their major. what to do, except that i never talk about psychology.
maybe i dont love it so much. i dont know.
i dont talk about anything japanese too.
not because i dont like it. because i know nobody understands me.
so anyway it started getting boring. the woman claiming she has no views had apparently, lots of views.
why dont people just say what they think?
then i got kind of tired, not because i had nothing to say. but because i realise this is not what i want.
i was thinking about myself getting frantic about getting something presentable.
why fuss over it when there isnt anything solid in your brain to back that look you portray?
and because we've always been given the idea that, you gotta wear a business suit, work in a nice office, talk about current affairs, get a good salary, to lead a good life.
well yes, in a sense. but most importantly, i realised... this is not my cup of tea. it has never been. i was just given this false image. rather, i should use better english. it is not a false image, it just doesnt fit me.
so all these years ive tried so hard, to be the top, to only realise im never good enough because you're always lacking something. 1 more subject, 1 more A, 1 more language, 1 more CIP, 1 more CCA... it never ends. and all this time ive been insinuating others, telling them 'thats because PEOPLE are never contented.'
right, slapping myself in the face.
all these unhappiness was created by me. trying too hard to fit in.
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when life is getting a little depressing, look back at the things you wrote...
im proud to say i completed my mission!
with a little pricey cost :)
i hereby declare i suck at report writing. two minuses and 1 RE-DO. my gawd. how bad can this go. i dont get it, someone teach me how to write research papers please.
you know sometimes we, being chinese, or asian, or whatever it is that our upbringing taught us to do... we try to be humble, nice, not so hurting, in simpler words, trying too hard to be tactful.
if you got a fucking PLUS, dont tell me "i also anyhow do one." i wish i can anyhow do one and get good grades too!
end of being-a-bitch. tune in next week.
Endless memories,
too many to count.
Sunday, March 21, 2010 // 4:44:00 PM
SO MANY THINGS TO DO!
I think this blog is full of rubbish, its just non-stop ranting.
So yeah I was speaking to antoine yesterday and I realise I have to prepare for the interview, write an essay for JAL, study for the HRM quiz...
thats my aim for today. IMPOSSIBLE.
spell it!
then i have to read some articles to decide for OB's research paper. and we have to decide our topic for cog devt's research paper. and we have cog lab's report and expt to carry out. MY GAWD! how am i going to study for the exams thats coming in a month?!
and i wanna finish watching bloody monday. ok this is the lowest priority.
if im lucky, this hols i'll have MFA internship, JAL scholarship prog, maybe a psych internship and then YOG. very chong1 shi2 i would say. great plan. lets hope it'll come true.
i just saw this on a news article
"Narita is, in fact, not in Tokyo. And the surroundings are farms and golf courses."
which reminds me
"Hachiouji is, in fact, in Tokyo. Still, the surroundings are farms and golf courses."
Endless memories,
too many to count.
Sunday, March 14, 2010 // 9:52:00 PM
史上第二大危机（因为永远都不知道第一是什么，所以大家就将就一点）
我的妈呀！！我快要肺痨死了！！！
first, i thought i was lucky i didnt need the AUs from HPAP so i didnt apply since i was told not to do it(makes sense right, dont fight with the people who are desparate).
then i look at the AUs i have from exchange, 4 left. a usual UE is 3 AUs... so, what do i do now?
i could take HMJ6 and french lvl 1 to clear 6 AUs. i dont mind. i like these two. but that means, i'll probably die of stress and fatigue. or i could do a 4AU and die of boredom. so now, tell me why didnt i apply for HPAP and just cleared 5 AUs? why be so noble? should have been kiasu(like everyone else). ok im done, i'll work something out.
the other day i had loads of crazy thoughts. its either exaggerated or made-up. simply to make my life better. i think its a self-defence mechanism.
and yet another day, i was on the bus to school. so i was looking up, into the sky. all the clouds. i could make out animals and faces with the clouds. dont we all use to do that when we were kids? how many of us still do that now?
then i had an idea, if im going to be jobless, i'll just take photographs of what i see. maybe i can have an exhibition. and everyone could come see, and maybe, return to those times for a moment.
good luck for the quiz tomorrow.
i fixed the time on my desktop. i hope its going to work fine now.
Endless memories,
too many to count.
