i just finished reading a book. its kind of odd. its about these people with problems. but with problems, they could still get themselves time for sex. i odd because the focus is so off. most of the time, its as if the problems are so major to each and every one of them but the author never explicitly says what their problems are. still, while reading, i kind of get the feeling its because, like all of us, we never really know what that problem is but there is just something bothering us. so im guessing its that. but then, suddenly the author goes into some explicit description of the sex scenes. they're so short *laughs* but still, he manages to squeeze it a bit here and there. and i dont get the significance of these paragraphs. ultimately, in the end, i didnt quite get what hes tried to portray. life's a mess? maybe~
the really odd thing is, initially it was just odd to me. then suddenly, one day, things became so closely linked to my story. am not saying my life's a mess and its full of random sex. the dude has the same surname. it could be coincidence, it could be me being too sensitive. the dude has to move and didnt have time for anyone. it could be another coincidence or me being crazy. the dude has two girls (and an old woman). well, what can i say? my life's in my head. i imagined it all up. now i get "the monk who sold his ferrari". just picture it in your mind, and it comes true.
time i pray and do some chanting. i need to clear my head.
Endless memories,
too many to count.
Friday, May 28, 2010 // 11:07:00 PM
i didnt sleep like a log. i had a series of disturbing dreams and i kept waking up.
what a holiday. but still i woke up feeling happy, i thought i was gonna be alone the entire day. so i got up and made plans for myself. everything but study.
i think im still not so good at handling my own emotions. and today, i decided to go for a jog since i missed the morning hours to swim. somehow, i decided to visit the stadium. i jogged a bit, then i walked over. i jogged a bit on the track, it felt so nostalgic. i loved the wide open space. and the clear sky (actually it was pitch dark). it feels so... nice.
then i walked again, for quite a while. then i decided i should jog again. just after picking up, it started to drizzle so i began sprinting. i just got faster and faster. i felt really young again. it was like sports day. amazingly, i could do a 200m-sprint this time round. i used to be able to do only 100m, on the curve. because i lack the mental strength. i couldnt do it straight because it looked too far away ahead. i couldnt do a 200m because it felt too far after giving it my all for the first 100m. but now i could. thanks to the rain.
i could have stayed at the stadium and waited till the rain stopped. but rain here is always unpredictable. sometimes, it lasts for 5 minutes. sometimes, its forever. since i was already drenched in sweat, i decided im not going to fall sick if im then drenched in rain. so i walked all the way home under the slight drizzle.
its been a long time since i did a sprint. maybe 7 years or so. and its been a long time since ive walked in the rain. that, i cant even remember. the last time, dad could run to the shelter, carrying me in his arms. how long could that have been?
and now i feel like im writing a memoir about myself like murakami did with his runs. haha! unlike most people, i realise i dont enjoy the usual runs and jogs. its too tiring for me. its kind of like not here not there. its like those songs, the singer wants to die but doesnt die. irritating. i came up with this realization after the sprint. its either i walk or i sprint. but since my stamina sucks, walks do better for me. in fact ive been walking really fast recently.
i want to eat fries. i cooked some potatoes and carrots and enoki take and iroiro. i was walking home and i smelled some potatoes. great smell. tomorrow im gonna have satsumaimo :) with yoghurt + digestive biscuits. so good. sounds like a diet? yes, you're right.
stop telling me its hitsuyou ga nai. ive decided im sick of having people 'command' me. i dont have to explain myself. i like a place, i go there as many times as i want, as long as my finances allow me to, as far as my legs can take me. i decide. i dont have to say why. i dont have to tell you who im meeting. as friends, you're only entitled the right to know when and where im going and how long. dont tell me what to do. it only makes me kind of pissed and wants to do the opposite. because i hate it when i follow or make a decision based on what people say. when things turn out wrong, who do i blame? remember how i ended up in THAT jc and how i didnt totally loved everything? in the end, i could only blame myself.
Endless memories,
too many to count.
the weather today was 災厄 i was sweating like a pig just by brisk-walking from one end of school to the other and the sky was a rare bright but gloomy. its blue but greyish but oh so bright! maybe the world's ending... if it comes true, im gonna be made the great prophet and people will quote and screencap my blog. oh wait, there wont be people anymore. well, technically.
as to why i was brisk walking, i just like to walk at a really fast pace. i think it was because i was so shy i didnt want people to see me so i zoomed to places. and then i got used to it. and i got lazy and always wanted to be JUST on time but always ended up late so i had to zoomed to the train station. kind of tiring though but it feels good. ok, what a contradiction. maybe i just like to torture myself.
and so, i did take my little walk after dinner with mf. i cant rmb wat else do i want to say. i really want to watch one episode of zettai kareshi tonight but no, im too tired. i was sleep-standing on the train. and this hot guy was playing guitar beside me. not exactly the totally engrossed kind but he was like strumming on his thigh. lol.
Endless memories,
too many to count.
Thursday, May 27, 2010 // 11:40:00 AM
On some days, you feel really lucky. Yesterday night was pretty tough. I had to practise my articulation while waiting for the results to be out. Technically I could have just ignored the results, practised and sleep but we all know its impossible. Best part was I spoke to PH for a while. It wasnt exactly shocking news because I should have guessed as much. Still, I knew it was something on my mind. So I had 3 things in mind. couldnt concentrate on either, 嫌だ！
Then again, I always believe that things are balanced. (yeah this sounds like some great philosophy or a new religion about the balanced forces of nature) Like I always say, when something bad(just bad enough to you personally) happens, something(s) good happen(s) in the end :)
Results are pretty ok. I mean I'm an average kid. It's acceptable and I didnt drop to the other side of my ぎりぎり. This morning, things were even better! Recording was pretty ok, I made some mistakes though. Then, the key that didnt work for at least 6 times (so that includes 6 trips to the key smith) finally worked. I'm suppose to start internship next tuesday. Was kind of dreading it because I dont really fancy office wear. TA-DA! Boss is going overseas for 3 days so "how 'bout you come to my house and tutor my kids for 3 hours? You dont have to go to the office on those days." Sometimes, I love my life so much :)
I'm gonna treat the participants nicely today. HEEHEE. alright, i'm not suppose to be biased so i'll keep my angsty look.
in the recording room, the guy helping us was a guy i worked with for 5 days last year. there were 6 of us and 3 of them. he doesnt remember me. he doesnt even remember the event.
why do i make an effort to remember other people when others dont even bother?
someone actually answered with a link. heres how we write music :)
深呼吸！坚强。
my favourite song. i dont know why you cant find her songs on youtube. its always covers. and sometimes its male. YEEKS~
Endless memories,
too many to count.
Sunday, May 23, 2010 // 10:32:00 PM
"if our lives were a drama, right now there will be a dissected screen with us on each side. we're talking to ourselves, deciding if we should start the conversation. we decide not to, but wait. we wait, for today, and we wait even in tomorrow. we're just going to keep on waiting."
why do people enjoy watching scenes like this?
Endless memories,
too many to count.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010 // 12:24:00 AM
absurd things happen. like thai airways. over the weekend there was nothing i could do. obviously, the seats would have been taken up. finally, today we managed to talk. many times. nothing good came out of it. i went ahead with the tickets anyway. but im not so angry anymore. i guess time heals everything. so i was pretty pissed off in the afternoon and i decided im gonna jog for 1 hour tonight. which i tried and i failed. i did 45 mins. but good enough i feel. at least after many months of immobility. always drive yourself to expand your potential, but dont exceed your limits. its always good to do everything in adequacy. excuses... HA!
still, im glad i tried. i felt like my bladder was gonna go crazy if i dont exercise a bit more. i think concert vids are mega high. so is the bouncing up and down action. i was bouncing on the erm huge rubber ball that LAALAA has (if u forgot who she is, refer to teletubbies). its uber high too. and i was watching the tv, this celebrity mum was swinging her kid all over and she was cackling all the way. no idea why but im sure this motion makes us happy.
screw bedok! i was so awake on the way there i barely slpt. and i concussed on the way back. and thai airways has to wake me up. back to school tomorrow! love it, for some reason. and i hope the spare key works this time, ive been to mister mint umpteen times already. maybe i can start making friends with the key smith.
oh! i forgot to mention! few weeks ago, i had dinner with some of dads' friends. on that day, i saw the biggest betrayal. i found it amusing, i laughed and joked about it. but deep down, i felt sad, just a bit. and sympathy. how weak we are. and how easily shaken we are, when money comes into the situation. or maybe it wasnt all about money. maybe it was something else. i dont know. i dont know them well enough. but they seemed like nice people. and theres nothing wrong being practical in life.
Endless memories,
too many to count.
Sunday, May 16, 2010 // 10:15:00 PM
"what can you tell me, Ben, that's going to dazzle, me." yeah the problem most of us face, we have nothing impressive to tell.
"you only turn 21 once and it goes away very fast." - 21
indeed...
nice movie :) just a tad too long. and the streaming was pretty bad.
rongy has to be sick of hearing me talk about my trip. i think he prefers listening to geri's. hes so easy to ready. its funny :P but thanks for the ride home, since my chauffeur was taking his break. ha! so he was making a casual comment that the XX-people are funny because they like to listen to things they dont understand. i laughed and said,'haha tts me too, back then. right?'
'no, u're one of a kind. but for them, they're all like that.'
lol. whether it was a compliment or not, thanks.
so i spent the whole day reading 'norwegian wood'. am pretty proud of myself.
tomorrow is the start of being-a-coolie day. all the best, hiko~
Endless memories,
too many to count.
Thursday, May 13, 2010 // 8:55:00 PM
[8:52:43 PM] ph: F*CK U
[8:52:56 PM] yan ting: hahaha! F*CK YOU *emphasizes on the you*
[8:53:02 PM] ph: : D
this is "friends" :) you say it in each other's face!
*edit: for the sake of my future employers, or rather my future employment, ive decided to censor the words.
-------------------------
oh guess whats been happening to me recently? its really insignificant but i thought maybe its a sign.
so twice i was running, twice i almost got knocked down by the cars. because they are parked inside this area beside the rubbish chute, usually i run around the estate with many of these areas. twice, the cars were speeding out of it and twice because of the momentum i couldnt stop or suddenly speed up. but they saw me and i saw them(only afterwards) so nothing has happened. my bad, its not my ipod i swear. i should make a mental note to check each time im passing these blind corners.
just yesterday after work, i was walking home on my ipod again. i swear its not my ipod too. this malay couple in front of me. initially the guy just kept grabbing the girl's hands. not really grabbing, i thought he just wanted to hold her hand. she kept swinging his hand away. i thought maybe they're just erm teasing each other or something. 情趣嘛~ and it kept on repeating but because i was blasting songs, i couldnt hear what they were saying until i saw their expressions did i know sth's wrong. so they were on this side of the pillar n i was deciding if i shd offer to help but u know, we singaporeans are selfish people. i went back to being my old self and took the route by the other side of the pillar, the girl's eyes and mine met. well technically i dont know whats wrong so i dont really know if she needs my help. so i just walked on. next i heard this sound and something slid across the floor and "hit" my shoes. i turned around, gawd, a long umbrella was broken. just a few centimetres and maybe its my back thats gonna be broken. and another few more centimetres and i swear its my skull. the guy raised his palm to kind of apologise.
what are these trying to tell me?
Endless memories,
too many to count.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010 // 12:06:00 AM
一直死不承认，但这次。。。可能真的是完了。
i. am. so. lucky.
not ALL the time but just sometimes when I need it :)
now ive got my internship settled, some paycheck rolling in and myself completely occupied for the 4 months :) i just need some courage to click on the "book tickets online". tell me its not a rash decision.
and for once, im gonna have a nice tuition assignment, take care of the kids, just make sure i speak chinese. dream job~
during Psych Scene, there was this hilarious speaker. actually, most of them were pretty funny. i love it they were so straightforward and truthful. things like 'networking is important', 'i hate being sociable', 'the masters prog in XXX is rubbish', 'HONOURS!!!'... better than things like 'grades dont matter', 'be yourself', 'miracles exist'...
so I met Ben. and I e-mailed him. and he offered to give me a free hair cut. LOL! totally kudos to this prof. now i see light in my future. i just need some capital to do my grad studies.
life isnt that bad sometimes, is it?
-------------------------------
but i guess sometimes when you've done all you can but other people are not doing their part, theres nothing else you can do but wait or give up.
at the end of the day, money doesnt betray you (unless its value drops but thats not philosophy, thats economics so we'll drop that). thats why i love money.
say u love me too :)
----------------------------------
so the monk book is taking up too much of my mental power i gotta switch a book. murakami's running book is so-so~ nice thoughts here n there but its too much on running. ive never really loved running. there are many ppl in the world who loves sports... i think i find peace in walking. HAHA! what a weird girl, i know. only bad thing here is the sun is too freaking killing me in the day. if not i would love to walk the whole of singapore. i mean, it IS pretty and nice, after re-visiting it when my friends came to visit. I JUST HATE IT WHEN IM STANDING AT THE BUS STOP, SWEATING. or maybe, more like SWEARING!
"there are a couple of things you have to remember about children. first of all, they are not all cute. in fact, if you look at them close, some of them are rather unpleasant looking."
- George Carlin
LOL! told you~~~ I borrowed books yesterday and I swam. and I learnt some Japanese. And I tried writing my speech. Only've got 2 days to get it done. and Oh! the best news yet, I started packing my room. Gotta take some time though. Maybe 4 months :P
Still, at least im getting started.
Looks like its gonna rain again. I cant stand it, I'm still sneezing. my back still aches.
am i growing old?! *shivers*
--------------------
the monk book has too much fei hua. but i shall persevere and try to finish it. if not i cant get enlightened :P
i decided the civilization book is crap because the part on China is... confusing even though I should understand it easily.
and i said i wanted to make a journal. i have yet to buy a book/album and choose the photos.
now im just tired everyday. why?
Endless memories,
too many to count.
Saturday, May 01, 2010 // 1:24:00 PM
LIBERTY!
Can you see her smiling?
I'm a loser with no internship but still... let's make it a great holiday.
I love to plan and I plan too much and the best part is, I barely follow 20% of what I intend to do.
heehee~
I'm trying to find a job and I saw the latest salary chart (click here) I think its a lie. How come the accountacy kids are earning $2400~2600 when the Bach of Arts/Social Science is like ~$2800?!
