some songs are universally good. some songs are only good when they are apt. because without understanding, you don't form relationships. HAHAHA~

so yes, regarding word of the day. a while ago i talked about 犯贱 but that is not a very nice term to use on a daily basis. then i figured theres a better one, makes you sound more sophisticated and well-learnt - 自讨苦吃. so that is simply like the kid telling me he ate a croissant and in response i said 哦，你在吃面包。
he has to go 不是！我在吃croissant
and this goes on like once more and i was like, croissant是面包。
he has to go NOOO! 是croissant。
ok fine fine... 我是为你好啊~
so you want to know what is croissant in chinese?
he says yes (like sure thing! bring it on! but he kinda hesitated for a while)
牛角面包。
为什么是牛角面包1?
因为长得像牛角。记得住吗？
＊摇头＊

小子，我都跟你说了是面包，你为什么要跟我争？

i just want to say i have very good memory. for all the smallest things in the world. but small things arent equivalent to insignificance.



wow.


in line with my...
"My mum probably married my dad because despite the distance, he flew, he called, he wrote. With technology these days and the guy wouldn't do shit, not even reply a message, THROW HIM INTO DEEP SEA!"

Searching for articles for my positive psych report...

article title: "Optimism: An enduring resource for romantic relationships.”

action: SKIPPED INSTANTLY

article title: "short article. is luck on my side? optimism, pessimism, and ambiguity aversion."

action: SAVED INSTANTLY

---------------------------------------
yan ting: anw what about spare tyre?
Stephanie Tan: u said sth about spare tyre
i didnt understand lol
Stephanie Tan: u mean u're looking for a spare tyre? u were a spare tyre? there's a spare tyre around someone's tummy?
yan ting: oh its just all e terms i use in my acts of badmouthing haha
Stephanie Tan: gongs ?+>
Stephanie Tan: >_<
yan ting: no i mean tt woman is a spare tyre
yan ting: AND SHE MIGHT HAVE ONE ARND HER TUMMY
yan ting: hahaha
Stephanie Tan: ROFL
Stephanie Tan: hahahahhahaha
Stephanie Tan: naise
Stephanie Tan: i tell u
Stephanie Tan: i am still very traumatised about leggins
Stephanie Tan: please dont wear leggings this week
Stephanie Tan: LOL
yan ting: HAHAHAHAH.
yan ting: wah lao restrict my dressing
Stephanie Tan: but u're my friend *shimmering eyes*

Word of the dayy IS BACK!!

包含 VS 包养
Word was 包含 but the kid read 包养 and the mum was sitting beside and I had no idea if I should explain his mistake.
Decided nt, let's just focus on his syllabus.
Bāo hán: includes
Bāo yâng: the action of men providing for their mistress(小老婆). Women can do the same but it's usually called 养小白脸

Haven't I been a crazy woman? Its erratic, there's no reasons, and I don't undersand it. Just happens.
So here's a summary of the month of March.

I was to go to Japan. For once, kind of unwilling. It was a very weird feeling, like I really shouldn't go. Like I'm not ready.
Sounds like 马后炮 but I didnt really tell anyone cause... Who doesn't want to go to Japan on a partially-paid-for trip?
Well I really didn't. I mean look at the number of things I have to do!

Then ok, I was vexed for two days or so because I didnt know if I should commit a courteous act. Even though I knew I was going to get no reply and doing so would only make me feel stupid (again). Then I sorted advice. Well, advice was really good. Because finally, you're let into a little truth. No more guessing on my part anymore at least. It's a good way to detox anyway.

Yada yada, all that positivity and optimistic talk. It's often when you can't do it that you have to keep telling yourself and others 'i can do it!'
Oh so tiring. Then earthquake came. Trip's cancelled when in my phone, all the itinerary and things I want to buy are listed. Despite all that shit, I had to worry then be haunted for a week. Not a very good experience. And still I don't know why.

Then the frenzy of FYP. Oh wait, theres another test. Of which I failed lols. Recess wk's gone, FYP was long due. Let's pick ourselves up and do some work you say. An afternoon's work was corrupted. But you've handled too much emotionally and mentally, that little shock came as no surprise. Nothing really hurts anymore. And in between breaks, you come back to haunt. Usually the people I block, a very small minority, are really detestable. You, not so. I just don't want to see you hanging around and know what you're up to. It's really distasteful. Makes me upset and even more vexed. Because I still don't understand why.

I'm finally done with my lousy first draft. More work's waiting but for now, Im trying to make myself sleepy. Thats why I'm here to Practise my typing. Well for some good news, a new pair of jeans! It's identical to my old pair. But I really like the cut so heck. By Friday a package should arrive :) it's expensive too but let's not bother about money on the things you like.

now im feeling sad. for myself :)
now its just the feeling like... all that i was trying to do, is to see if anything works. its always that regret of not having done something that tortures u more than that regret of having done something.
sometimes, i'm really not very wise. but ive had too many regrets. not learning piano. not going for CCA. detesting people and not blending into the group. not making an effort to change things. it ends up with me doing stupid things. but well, i don't really regret it.

maybe, sometimes, i say really mean/hurtful/harsh words to people. but i think its better than ignoring. i only ignore people i really detest or dont care about.
i think what really changed me, its movies, dramas, shows, stories...
how many scenes have you watched where you just have to comment 'why wouldn't he say it?', 'why wouldnt he just tell her?','if he doesn't say, she wouldn't know!'

i know, its so frustrating. but its not this frustration that changed me. its when in the stories, the other person dies without knowing what the other person has to say. could be a family, a friend, anyone. how sad is that?

i dont know. thats my personal opinion. so i don't appreciate sudden disappearances. i don't appreciate no-replies. if you're not replying, you shouldn't have made a comment in the first place because out of courtesy, i will have to reply you which then elicits another question that you will have to answer. if you don't like step 3. if step 3 scares you. if step 3 reminds you of many things, don't do step 1. because i am a very nice person, i take full responsibility of step 2.

im trying to do my FYP now. copying some stuff from a piece of lit review i wrote last semester. it was on memory and emotions. very interesting topic i must say. thing is, i dont really know what i was writing. all tt crap i wrote, i didnt apply them to myself. now, that is not learning.

今天康熙重播里有祝凡刚。我妈说他的鹰钩鼻很钩。比刘德华得还钩。
她说这种人很可怕。最好不要得罪。

最近真的是快烦死了。一下子好，一下子又不好。
后来发觉，讲些叉叉什么的，心情就会好一点。
原来还是要骂人啊。
坐在对面的两位北妹。就是不会闭嘴。
就算我戴耳机，光看她们的嘴脸，嘴巴张开说话的模样，我都觉得很欠打。
决定今天起，天天把体内的毒素放出来。
那他叉的*消音***********臭叉叉真是太毒了。
害我病了那么久。

我妈说。。。鹰钩鼻的人很可怕。怎么我没有？
那些人应该真的很可怕吧。

im going to have to consider making this place private. but heres to a little words of wisdom. sorry to word of the day corner.



to ah yan,
"i think they're right, the only way to move on is to find another one. tts why he found someone fugly, he was in a hurry."
"time doesnt heal all wounds yo. it just leaves it there n soon u get tired u dont think. but when it comes back, u know its still there"





Psychologist: You answered no to all these questions. What scares you? There has got to be something that scares you.
Girl: Myself.
Psychologist: *surprised* yourself? why?
Girl: Because I have evil thoughts.
Psychologist: evil thoughts about?
Girl: People.
Psychologist: people in general or particular people?
Girl: Particular people.
*takes over the paper* Q12. Are you afraid of what is about to happen?
Psychologist: What? You want me to answer that?
Girl: yes.
Psychologist: No, I'm not. What is going to happen?
Girl: If I were you, I would say yes.

Never trust little girls. No matter how innocent they seem. Basically, never trust people. no matter how genuine they seem they are to you. People hold back the truth, we only speak what is socially acceptable.

The end to that episode? The man died.

i havent had time to read through my old posts. i just did a quick mental recall using version 2.26 brain power. i must say... i have always been this evil and cranky and straight fwd EXCEPT in the past, it all happened in my head. i was a hypocrite. now, its IN YOUR FACE! am very proud of my evolution. albeit still controversial.

So I earned 4 days and I wasted it away. The funniest thing today was... I took the wrong pill. Took the night flu pill instead of the day flu pill which accounted for my MEGA drowsiness and unusual afternoon nap of 3 hours. and I was still groggy when I woke up.

So it is to a night of FYP. Hope I write some decent stuff ^^ And ALL HAIL CHRISTINA AGUILERA, SHES MY NEW QUEEN. thought I didn't use to like her. but you can call us 道不同，不相为谋。

I have to stop reading the news or watching videos. Not very helpful, except for my own knowledge sake. and so i spoke to a friend about their class of chanting and praying. so they dont ask for divine intervention. I get a part of his explanation. You tune your frequency to what you want, so you get there better/faster/easier. I believe that too.

But if you don't ask for divine intervention and you only believe in your own strength, why are you praying for the people who are miles away and in need for help? Don't tell me they hear your words and they change themselves such that the environment changes. Or you are able to change yourself which in one way or another, makes it possible for the situation to change. When you are miles away.

Whatever works. I always think all these are just a way to calm you down. It psychos you. You psycho yourself, to be more accurate. Don't I sound like some awesome psychologist already? So much insight. urgh~

P.S. that picture of that beautiful building at the top of the page, is the sole building left standing upon the atomic bomb attack in Hiroshima. How ironic. Maybe I should take it down.

Damn, I'm trying very hard to get my Methods and Results in order but its messy max. TMD CCB! i dont fancy the vulgar me very much but i can't help it. how else am i suppose to describe my current 澎湃的心情？！

"at this point of time, i think we all have to agree that gods and prayers don't really work but i do hope all these ends and Japan will return to its former state with time :)" i would very much like to post this on FB but i think it wouldnt be appropriate, not even on twitter so i decided i'll do it on my own blog. I mean, how many people really read this thing (I know i know, some of you do and have always been. thanks.)


*disclaimer: i am NOT referring to ANY PARTICULAR religion or God(s). Just in general.

paranoid me googled symptoms of ALL cancer and pneumonia. i left out bronchitis since most of them include recurrent fever and cough while ive only had recurrent cold. why are there so many people in school today when its break? im here only because i wanna get cheap pills. and the clinic was kinda packed so i went to find a socket to charge my laptop and phone. went back 15 mins later, girigiri and as i entered the clinic, i heard the auntie scream from the corridor inside "NG YAN TING! NG YAN TING!" lols.

the doctor was a jolly old man. quite nice actually. except he kept telling me about how sensitive my nose is. i think having been great friends for 20 odd years, i know my nose better than you do. he kept emphasizing on me being sensitive to dust, car fumes, perfumes etc. and he had to say 'even humidity. do u know that?'
'YES I KNOW!' do i have to tell u i know if its gonna rain? because i smell it and i sneeze. i DO KNOW how sensitive my nose is. then he chuckled and went 'yes yes good good.' all i need to know was... if im suffering from some terminal disease. if not, that's all fine. so basically im just more sensitive than other people. i didnt know he could do psychology. haha.

to 神様, are you going to blow up Japan until I can't visit it again? i must say i wasnt ever so concerned with world news. in any case, i hope all's fine soon.

oh, i cut my hair again. i couldn't take it. went down on Friday. just as I was suppose to go home and pack my luggage. only to unpack it on Sunday. Saturday was in JB. kinda boring. the phlegm is really irritating me. i just ordered stuff from vpost. and this is a very messy entry because i need to pee but im alone so i cant leave my laptop and its a hassle bringing everything with me. shall go home in a while.

so i was tweeting... the only prof who shouldnt be consoling the victims is the one who teaches positive psychology. she would drive ppl to life's ends.

i need more jeans! and i hope you guys have enough food and water. its white day today, wouldnt it be quite nice if the guy bought the girl necessities? haha. what a shit idea.

お国が大好きで、お世話になりましたから、何かをやってあげたいんです。今週ユニクロに行きます。皆さん無事のように～もう何かを起こらないように、祈ります。

an ah beng made me teary, taken from the thread being shared on fb

* いつでも買える
http://twitter.com/7474529/status/46565903520907264
今日、募金箱に金髪にピアスの若い兄ちゃんが万札数枚入れていた。そしてその友人に｢ゲームなんていつでも買えるからな｣と言っていたのが聞こえて私含め周りの人達も募金していた。人は見た目じゃないことを実感した。そんなお昼でした。 この話感動しました。
Goth youth
A goth youth with white hair and body piercings walked into my store and shoved several hundred dollars (several tens of thousands of yen) into the disaster relief fund donation box. As he walked out, I and people around me heard him saying to his buddies, “I mean, we can buy those games anytime!” At that, we all opened our wallets and put our money into the donation box. Really, you cannot judge people by their appearances.

so i have a really bad habit of hating people who dont reply me. once it was this project mate i believe if u've been a loyal reader, you would have heard me curse about. when things like these happen, i think about why don't you reply me. when there seem to be no better reason, i only wish for u to be really sick or dead (or really caught up in a matter that is of the equivalent). situations so dire u CANNOT reply. im a really dark person.

I earned 4 days into my life. I have lots of things to do and I am disappointed but things get by. Except I was recovering and then there was a bloated stomach, a crazy stomachache, cough, body chill, blocked nose, irritated eyes and ears, a swollen eye and then a blocked nose and now a bad cough. I will survive.

PMS + stress from the possibility that the chances to maintain GPA are low + lots of reports due week after week + all the emotions + being sick for months = not a good combination.

i need a REALLY PERSONAL blog. today i was so pissed, ive decided to wash the toilet tmr. and i did cleaned part of the kitchen but i didnt delve too deep for fear of the surprise attack from the incumbents. i'll do it tmr, at daytime. and when i realise i was picking on other ppl, im gonna clean my room too.

Here's to a part of my life:
Stephanie Tan says
next time nth to do
just find sth to study hahaha
yan ting says
if i cld stand looking or seeig the word li_****
i would study how to exterminate them
or at least keep them out of my lives
*life
but i cant
Stephanie Tan says
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
yan ting says
ive always wanted to do that but i cant even make the first step
Stephanie Tan says
lol u have Herpetophobia
but that's the fear of reptiles
hahaha
yan ting says
oh
ahaha
Stephanie Tan says
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081019015339AAvnfgd
yan ting says
is there gonna be a picture?
hey i wouldnt cry
i dont even scream now
but my heart rate increases
"you are not stupid your brain is telling you they are dangerous to you, phobias are real and if it is real to you then that is not stupid"
Stephanie Tan says
hahaha
yan ting says
BUT I WILL NEVER WANT TO TRAIN MYSELF TILL I AM ABLE TO TOUCH ONE
TT IS GROSS MAX
Stephanie Tan says
is there gonna be a picture HAHAHAHHAHAA
yan ting says
i might skin myself
Stephanie Tan says
i wouldnt too
i will die
LOL
yan ting says
"My sister used to be really scared of lizards like you are, she has played with my turtles a few times and seems to be getting over it...
Are you scared of snakes to?" WTF? i had turtles
n im totally fine with snakes
Stephanie Tan says
hahahaha
i think it's just l...
i also cannot
hahaha
yan ting says
wah kao damn gross
just reading the "till u can touch one" irks me
"you can over come this pretty much by just slowly associating good things with lizards
not to sound patronising, but most lizards dont bite or scratch or anything and would rather just stay away from you." OH U SURE THEY DONT SCRATCH?
i felt the scratch yo
dont know how but it was pricky
Stephanie Tan says
haha u had an encounter with one meh
that's why u are so scared?
yan ting says
danger erin is one guy/girl i dont want to marry or know
darling, its never one
its uncountable
i stepped on one
i touched one
i was scrapping the scotch tape off the cookie box but i was actually scrapping one and by the time WE both realised, it jumped onto my hand i shook it off n it went into hiding and so did i
one crawled onto my leg in the canteen
one got into my water bottle which i drank from n only to realise its existence AFTER drinking
one was in my bedroom tt i wouldnt slp in for 3 nights
one's tail dropped at my bedroom door
maybe i crushed it
i crushed one at my door's hinge because i was afraid it was coming in but it was actually going out but i was too afraid i just slammed e door n i watched its tail vibrate, shake at a crazy frequency until it became stiff, straight n finally, limp
i had to watch it just in case it turns around
i had one slping on my towel hanging behind e door when e DOOR'S FREAKING CLOSED n i wouldnt even dare open e door for fear its gonna jump on me so i had to use another towel to wrap it up n throw it out
Stephanie Tan says
oh my tian
yan ting says
theres one tt was on e bathroom slippers n it wouldnt go away n i had to go to sch in emorning but didnt want to wake my parents up so i poured hot water n watched it shake to death
n there was tt eerie dude staring at my cup in e kitchen
Stephanie Tan says
wah ur phobia really very advanced
u can remember all these
yan ting says
n the countless times they freak me out with the subtle sound they make or their little tail sticking out of somewhere
Stephanie Tan says
siao one
yan ting says
n there was one tt chased me in circles or maybe it tot i was chasing it in circles but we just ran in circles

OH-MY-GAWD! I just watched clips of today's earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Crap shit. I always knew Singapore is a good place (don't ask me why I applied to uniqlo). Urgh.
也太衰了吧！日本，台北，菲律宾。老天爷是要我在2012年之前死吗？

（如果我真的死了。。。）爸妈，谢谢你们的养育之恩。很高兴你们是我的父母。

Something I was really afraid to do... I looked at my inbox. and I smiled. Seriously, what was I waiting for? What a silly girl.

Yesterday SUCKED! and I promise never to eat so much or have supper ever again. I hate it when I fall sick at night and all I can do is cuddle up and feel so cold. TO GOOD HEALTH PEOPLE! Beer is bad for you!

UP is the ultimate tear-squeezer of all time. Never fails ^^

I met a UOB promoter yesterday. Seriously, salesman, you can try harder.
"I'm sure you blogshop."
"No -.-"

"Well," *looks at my legs. BLOODY ASSHOLE* "i'm sure you exercise a lot." *looks at me* "do you exercise often?"
"Not really."

"So you get allowance right?"
"No. I stopped."

"Oh! Psychology! So you can read my mind now?"
This I forgive you because at least 60% of the world's stupidity ask me that too.

Me: "Are you trying to do a magic trick?"
Him: "Erm, ya..."
Me: "It's ok, I'm busy just get to the point." *opens palm* "Oh, it's a $5 now. Ok."

DO I LOOK DUMB TO YOU?

"and I just figured I am a pathetic human being because I have had no achievements＊苦笑＊
3 hours ago "

and this is a very nice thing to say.

"when you were 5 learning to tie your shoe yourself would be a big accomplishment. You could write about that. seriously, there must be a lot of situations that looked difficult where you came through. it doesn't have to be creating a new vaccine or saving the world from global warming, although both would be commendable"

Do you still remember the time you were learning to tie your shoe laces or the time you were trying to eat on your own? I remember the first time I walked home alone.

BITCH FRIEND MADE ME RUN AND I FELL DOWN, LEFT ME WITH A WOUND.

Maybe every week we'll have something awesome to talk about. and the word of the day corner is missing.

"星期10到在还在做。" with regards to the renovation going on next door.
He meant to say it's been on "from Oct 2010 until now" (his exact words in quotations)
That was my jaw-dropping moment because for as hard as I've tried to understand him, I really couldn't.

The little boy always makes the mistake of saying "我而已看电视。" He always does it - 我而已 + verb. I've told him many times, we don't use 而已 that way. We say 我只有看电视。我只是在看电视 etc.

Today I tried explaining to him again. Just to make sure, I asked if he now knows how to use 只 and 而已. I was going to be sarcastic so here goes the conversation...

Me: So do you know how to use the words now? My feh...
Boy: Because I don't know which to use so I use 而已 first. Then, I look at you and your face tells me I'm wrong and I'll change.

I applauded :) That was witty ain't it? And he cut me off my chance to be sarcastic. haha.

Boy: Whatever~
Me: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Boy: I don't know. My friend says that.
Me: 不可以学他讲话！
Boy: No! I didn't learn from him. I'm just saying what he says.
Me: Ya! I meant don't copy or imitate him.
Boy: I never LEARN from him!
Me: In Chinese, we don't mean "learn" everytime we say ‘学’。

Me: 在澳洲
Boy: NO! It's not IN Australia. It's in Perth.
.
.
Boy: It's not even in Perth! It's an island near Perth. To the west.
Me: When I say 在, I don't mean it has to be INSIDE or ON the land itself. It just belongs to a part of it. Like a region.

I must say I am trying my best to teach the boys. I hope they speak proper chinese one day :)

Why do I have so many things to do? Drugs is so difficult to remember. And therea bonjour hw tmr. I hope I'll be done with SPSS tmr and then I can really dedicate full attention to the paper. Life's a b**** this semester. I don't really enjoy the mods I'm taking.
Positive, as cliche as it is, really isn't very positive. Drugs makes me think maybe life as a junkie is good. Just give up. I've never felt so stupid since the last time I had a proper English class. European languages are not my thing, French and Greek are the same to me. Biz law... I'm going to class religiously but not getting the hang of it. It's back, that struggle I've had all my life. Anything in English, except maths, kills me.

So today might be the last day I'm going to the talk. I really don't have time. And as the priest was talking about faith, I made a great realization. I can't believe the things he say. I'm so skeptical, so cynical. As much as I think the kids and some crazy friends of mine are just gullible and naive(hey, I'm using nice words here yea), I'm actually one step behind them. Their hearts are so pure. Mine's half rotting. I could probably push myself but...there can only be two types of consequences. And I'm afraid of one of them.

17 pages, send an email, and 2 exercises.
From iBa.

P.S. One day I'll be amused with the name I give to my phone. And that will probably be a day when this phone is long lost/gone/broken and I'm definitely going to miss it.

I saw some things that, maybe, I should not say. This is so tough. I think I have my own problems to solve. It's not like you cared about how I felt anyway. I still hope you guys turn out fine though.

Yes, divine intervention, I am reading every subtle sign you're sending me. I am trying my best to let it go.

I need a pedicure. All that dead skin on my feet. urgh~ RAISE YEN, RAISE! and same to you too, TWD!